Where Does The Love Go?

No matter how many great loves you have in your life, if you've had more than one, you've had to let the past ones go (whether or not it was mutual, peaceful, or the complete opposite). So that raises my question: Where does the love go?

I've had a few great loves in my dating life.

I have let so many people in and loved so much...but I'm talking about great loves- the ones that I thought I couldn't live without, the ones that I still think of fondly, even if they broke my heart and smashed it into a thousand pieces that I had to spend what seemed like forever picking up. Where did all that love and devotion go?

Maybe a story for clarification. Or just for the sake of telling a story...

My first great love I met when I was in my late teens, maybe at twenty...the kicker is that we never dated. I was actually in another relationship when I realized that I had feelings for, well, we'll call him The Man With the Broken Watch. We had this mutual attraction to each other and I've been thinking of him ever since. There were times where he and I got close to dating exclusively, very close, but it never happened. We had gone on dates, had our random hanging out moments, but either the timing wasn't right or...something. There was always something. But I really was in love with him at some point, I still love him, and I still think fondly of him but I don't think anything would happen between us again. I'm over the waiting and the confusion, I think it just saddens me to wait and I'm just scared of what may happen if I opened up to him again. And maybe we're just too passive for each other. That love, though, where did it go? I wholeheartedly believe that it has manifested itself into a kind of love and affection as one would have for a dear friend. I mean, if he were to want to have lunch one day, I'd go and carry with me the memories of that great, albeit unsatisfied, love we had over the years. Anything beyond that? It scares me a little to think about it.

Does it make a little more sense now?

I have had two great loves since then, at ages 22 and 24, both actual relationships, and both equally as heartbreaking. The first was definitely unexpected and  he hurt me beyond any hurt I had ever felt before. I can still recall the day it happened like it was yesterday. But through all the hurt, I still talk to him and I still want him in my life. I remind myself every day why we didn't and will never work out, but I still remember the love that we shared. My last great love actually ended just a little over six months ago. Everything seemed perfect and beautiful, and I believe that it could have stayed that way. I broke up with him because I expected a little too much. I don't regret it, but I definitely felt bad about it. And no matter what he's doing right now or where he is, I will always remember him and I will always remember the smile he put on my face. Both of these guys I pictured spending the rest of my life with, couldn't even fathom where I would be without them at the time, but there are some things that just aren't meant to be.

Where did all that love go?
It's a good question. It's my question. But I don't really know the answer. Like I said, it could have manifested itself into another kind of love and affection. I might subconsciously just be repressing it. I don't really know. But what I do know...that love doesn't just go away.


These men in my life will always have a special place in my heart.
And in the end, that's what makes them great loves.